Are there, like, hedge ball farms? With hedge ball farmer’s daughters? Is there a hedge ball harvest? Special hedge ball tractors?
I asked the produce guy if they really work to chase away spiders and he was all “No.” He then took out his phone and showed me a picture of a spider sitting on one.
"Why do people buy them?" I asked.
He shrugged and said “Because they’re for sale.”
Haha.

Are there, like, hedge ball farms? With hedge ball farmer’s daughters? Is there a hedge ball harvest? Special hedge ball tractors?

I asked the produce guy if they really work to chase away spiders and he was all “No.” He then took out his phone and showed me a picture of a spider sitting on one.

"Why do people buy them?" I asked.

He shrugged and said “Because they’re for sale.”

Haha.

(Source: early-onset-of-night)

Tags: wtf

The cease-fire lasted just 90 minutes. Haha. Way to go, Hamas. You may have a bunch of sophomoric American liberals fooled, but you ain’t got me fooled.

Rectal Valium

So yesterday my cat had a seizure and it totally scared the shit out of me. She had been very affectionate with me while I was laying on the bed. This is not unusual for her. When she wants love, she takes it. She will actually get under my hand and move back and forth, petting herself. She will climb up on my chest and ram her head into my face and also try to kiss me on the lips, which I won’t let her do because her tongue is like sandpaper and who knows what she’s been eating. For example, a few days ago, I saw her walking proudly around the yard with a bunny head in her mouth. So her behavior before the seizure was not at all out of the ordinary.

After I gave her a bunch of love and she was sated, she curled up in a ball on the bed with me and dozed off. I was laying on the bed, too. I put earbuds in and was listening to music on a low level and practically dozing myself when I heard this horrible howling. It was my cat, writhing around on the bed. I had never heard such a sound come out of a cat before, even cats who were fighting and screaming at each other. It was almost mechanical sounding, like honking. I just froze and watched her. She was craning her neck. It looked like she was trying to turn her head all the way around, ala The Exorcist. She writhed and honked and finally fell off the bed, which got me moving. I tried to touch her but her body movements were so weird I was scared to. Her eyes were open and darting around, but I could totally tell she was not “there”, that she wasn’t conscious.

I got my phone and tried to call the vet, but I was having trouble because I was shaking so hard. I thought she was gonna die right there before my eyes.

Gradually, she came out of it. I put her back on the bed. Her respiration was a hundred miles an hour. Her tongue was out and she was panting like a dog. Over the next half hour, her breathing slowed and she became conscious again, though she was exhausted.

I made an appointment with the vet, then looked up cat seizures on the internet. Did you know there’s a whole bunch of videos on Youtube of cats having seizures? Weird. I watched several of them, but none looked like what happened to my cat. They didn’t really look like each other either, though. Apparently, cat seizures are as unique as fur markings. Not one of them were howling, though. Just mine.

Needless to say, watching cats have seizures on Youtube is not a fun activity. Very difficult to watch, in fact, but not as difficult as watching my cat have a seizure IRL. Of all the cats in the world, mine is my favorite.

The vet tests turned out fine. She was also behaving normally, though totally exhausted. She ate, then slept the rest of the day. This morning she’s moving around and no longer so tired. There was one test I didn’t get her because it was thousands of dollars: a cat CAT scan. All it would do is tell me if she had a brain tumor, which there’s nothing you can do about anyway.

The vet gave me a rectal syringe of valium in case it happens again. I simply stick it in her butt and depress the plunger. I have to keep it out of the light, so it’s under my bathroon sink as I type this.

Rectal valium…

I hope she sticks around. I’ve had her since 2006 and totally love her. She was a stray who adopted me. She’s about 9 or 10 years old and in excellent physical health, according to the vet. Well, except for the whole having a seizure out of the blue and practically giving her owner a heart attack thing.

Here’s a picture of her in a box:

image

Everybody go love on your cats. We are very privileged they have stooped to live with us.

Vacation over :(

Ty Segall fuck all

"Apparently Manipulator leaked today, which is good news for the Universe. I don’t feel bad about downloading it because I pre-ordered it on vinyl."

—Hadrian Kindt (my son)

Here is more Ty Segall

fuck all:

X

X

X

Tags: music art poetry

sparkgrrl658 said: drinking most booze with a mixer (other than water/ice, or a few olives) these days is largely unappealing to me, but this sounds rather good.

+++

It’s not bad, I tell ya. Can’t directly pick up the vanilla but it’s better than whiskey and coke alone. Hmmm. It ain’t my choice, but my son’s. He has a bottle of of Ancient Age and the only pop I got in the house is vanilla coke. Thus, a drink was born. Me, I think I’ll run get a 6 pack. It’s the last night he’s in town, the last night of my vacation. I HAVE to drink, right? It’s, like, the rules.

Bourbon and Vanilla Coke?

Ok…

I told you guys if I got internet at my house the quality of my posts would decline.

Just took an epic dump.

Just took an epic dump.

(Source: early-onset-of-night)

"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it."

— Clarence Darrow

Tags: LOL

The soul is the only object in the Cosmos capable of denying its own existence, and why did Britney Spears get a new nose? Her old one was fine.

It’s a standard celebrity nose now, all angular and thin, like something you find on a mannequin, which, I guess, is somehow appropriate. A popup on Bing told me to go and look at some new photos of her, using the words “sexy” and “cleavage”, so I did. These days I wouldn’t classify half naked women as sexy in and of themselves. They have to be at least dancing or eating a banana or something. Britney’s cleavage was perfectly fine. it was airbrushed to perfection and the right and left matched up in a stellar feat of symmetry. But I couldn’t get passed her new nose. Are her boobs plastic, too? it made me wonder.

Now I question everything about Britney. Is she all plastic? Is she even real? Seriously, has anybody ever seen her up close in real life? I bet she’s just an animated image, totally CGI—Britney the hologram!

Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!

fuck-hamas-go-israel:

Hashem bless Joan Rivers! She told it like it is!

"Can Selena Gomez even spell Palestinian?" - Joan Rivers

Tags: politics lol

Hey there.
It may not look like it, but I’m on vacation. My son’s here visiting from Portland, though at the moment he is off seeing his mom, so I’m sitting around without any pants, smoking a pipe and drinking iced tea.
Life is good.
I’m smoking Presbyterian Mixture, even though I’m Catholic. Yet another thing that’s going to confine me to the fiery pit of hell, I guess. It’s getting to be a long list.
The other night we had good clean fun playing bored games. We also went to Olive Garden where I flirted with the waitress and drank really fruity, feminine cocktails.
"I’m secure in my manhood," I told her.
I have a thing for waitresses. The very concept gives me wood. Needless to say, I am an excellent tipper.
I have internet in my house now, so expect more posts and of lower quality. My old internet company called me up and offered me all these ridiculous discounts….$20 a month (as opposed $45 a month previously), first month free, free installation. I broke down and said yes. After a year, the price goes back up, at which point I will cancel it.
The internet should be free. In time, it will.
Everybody take care.

Hey there.

It may not look like it, but I’m on vacation. My son’s here visiting from Portland, though at the moment he is off seeing his mom, so I’m sitting around without any pants, smoking a pipe and drinking iced tea.

Life is good.

I’m smoking Presbyterian Mixture, even though I’m Catholic. Yet another thing that’s going to confine me to the fiery pit of hell, I guess. It’s getting to be a long list.

The other night we had good clean fun playing bored games. We also went to Olive Garden where I flirted with the waitress and drank really fruity, feminine cocktails.

"I’m secure in my manhood," I told her.

I have a thing for waitresses. The very concept gives me wood. Needless to say, I am an excellent tipper.

I have internet in my house now, so expect more posts and of lower quality. My old internet company called me up and offered me all these ridiculous discounts….$20 a month (as opposed $45 a month previously), first month free, free installation. I broke down and said yes. After a year, the price goes back up, at which point I will cancel it.

The internet should be free. In time, it will.

Everybody take care.

(Source: early-onset-of-night)

Tags: nothing

I used to like Alanis Morrisette, especially Jagged Little Pill.

I just attempted listening to that album now and, maybe I’m getting old, but she sounds like my cat does when I accidentally step on its tail.

Fingers across a chalkboard…shiver.

Had to shut it off.

I’ve reached the Loretta Lynn stage of life, apparently. No more Alanis for me, I guess.

Next time I want to hear a woman wail annoyingly about a man doing her wrong, I’ll have call up one of my ex’s.

They won’t let my son drink in this bar because his ID is expired by eleven days. That’s water he’s having and he is not amused. We’re fucking outta here.

They won’t let my son drink in this bar because his ID is expired by eleven days. That’s water he’s having and he is not amused. We’re fucking outta here.

(Source: early-onset-of-night)