January 2010
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“After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It...”
– Mr. Spock
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Write one leaf in which you describe what you "do"...
(via writeoneleaf)
What I do on the internet is go somewhere without leaving. I’m still at home, but I’m gone. I’m in Tumblr land being a smartass. I’m in torrent land stealing music and movies or whole seasons of commercial free television. In June of 2008, I eliminated television as a source of entertainment and it was a good decision. This makes the internet the only...
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“When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don’t get...”
– Wendy. 8 years old. (via nikiwithissues)
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Getting Old
A few notes about this song: the...
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Literal People
I like fucking around in your formsprings and ask pages. Anonymously. I’m usually really ridiculous. If somebody says something really stupid or corny or bizarre, rest assured, it’s me. Often I will be sexual, but in a really dorky way. I’m bored. I’m just having fun. I don’t really want to fuck. I mean, most of you are really cute. I mean, I’m intelligent and...
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This is a review of Paranormal Activity, which I...
The film is about this dude Micah who buys a fancy shmancy camera to capture the paranormal activity that has recently been happening in his cookie-cutter suburbo-mansion. Not only is the film about this, the film is the footage this camera captures. Found footage type stuff ala the Blair Witch Project, which I did like a bunch. The paranormal activity began when his girlfriend Katie moved in with...
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I met a woman tonight at the bar whose name was...
I met her and shook her hand and she said her name was Melba Reynolds. I said, “Really? Melba ‘Toast’ Reynolds?”
She looked perplexed. I shrugged.
I drank with her awhile, calling her Toast, but she just kept giving me a perplexed look.
I remain unlaid.
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“What do you mean I don’t support the System? I go to court when I have to!”
– Megadeth
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Coming back from getting the mail today, I noticed...
All of the fast food joints are pretty much on the same street. There’s Burger King, then McDonald’s. Across from McDonald’s, Arby’s, then Taco Bell and across from that Taco John’s. Further down a ways is Pizza Hut, Quizno’s, and Subway.
I wonder if this is a zoning thing? I’ll have to ask the mayor the next time we play golf.
Ha, ha…fuck that. I...
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This is 21st Century America
The rules are so thick you have to brush them away from your eyes just to see. And then you still can’t see because you must then contend with the mounds of bullshit, which are piled to astronomical heights. And then you still can’t see because there’s nothing there to see. What? Clothing stores, pop culture, celebs, tv, technology, the internet. Are these anything? How and why?
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'Policy' is the most underrated invention of...
Policy allows you to be a complete dick to someone without taking any responsibility for it. You simply shrug your shoulders and say “I’m sorry. That’s our policy.” Whenever you say those 3 words—that’s our policy—you are being a dick to someone without any accountability.
“I’m sorry Mr. Goldstein. I have to poison you with gas and burn your...
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?
I dreamt of fire and blood and hell and screams Wood stiff corpses choking the streets Blocking the way sealing the day Vapid sunlight filters through filth and fume Lighting nothing yet glowing and grotesque Freaks lurch around me limping pain and open wound Pustules and sores and festering flesh Shadow people haunting the dank amid the dim… Just out of sight off to the left or off to the...
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It is Spring that speaks to me today
Spring only says good things and always in a happy voice. January 16th and I can hear it, make out its still faint words, saying “Go outside and smell the air. You will feel alive. You will feel my promise.”
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I like to read on the shitter
Oh, yeah. When I go in to do my business, don’t expect to see me for awhile, especially if I got a philosophy book with me (Currently reading Sextus Empiricus). I’ll be perched on that throne getting all fucking intelligent until my legs go numb and I gotta crawl outta there on my hands and knees with my pants around my ankles.
Just ask the people at Pizza Hut.
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I define 'instinct' and, as usual, am completely...
Every human is different. It is supposed to be our ‘instinct’ to care for our young, but what of all the abandoned and abused children? What of those murdered by their parents? It is supposed to be our ‘instinct’ to survive, but what of all the suicides and people who eat at Taco Bell? It is supposed to be our ‘instinct’ to reproduce, but what of all the birth...
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Pat Robertson
is a motherfucking ass clown dog licking gorilla whore who should be anally raped by a horse without lube until his kidneys pop out his psychotic fucking mouth.
Just saying.
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All day long I have been pretending like I'm sane...
Now it’s time to take off my pants, get out the rusty rake, and run screaming down the street.
And, yes, I will stop to smell the imaginary roses.
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“Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired....”
– bill hicks (via d3dk0w)
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Getting Drunk & Makin' Muffins
Friday night at my house. Here’s my recipe: —2 6-packs Dos Equis Special Lager —2 Limes #1 Drink three beers, decide “I’m gonna make me some fucking muffins” #2 Root around in the pantry looking for stuff to make said muffins #3 Discover that you do, in fact, have the required stuff #4 Pile stuff needed for making muffins on the table #5 Open another beer...
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“I’ll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on...”
– Catch 22, Joseph Heller (via jmarie3)
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The vagina
Now that’s beautiful. It’s got all these folds and flaps and mysterious crevices and creases. And it takes imagination to get it to work. The penis, all you gotta do is beat it and it fucking explodes.
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Maybe I'm too hetero
but I don’t see how the penis could be seen as beautiful. It strikes me as some sort of hose or nozzle.
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Random fact about myself (it's pretty out there)
I used to be a fake internet psychic. I did it for three years and made great money. I built a website, applied for and got credit card precessing thru PayPal and Card Services International. Purchased ads on Google and Yahoo and went to fucking town. Everything I said was a lie. I was vague. I told people what they wanted to hear, but not exactly. I used logic and probability to guess things...
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