March 2010
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When they start putting anti-depressants into the...
don’t come crying to me.
February 2010
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I think the grammar nazi aspect of tumblr is one...
It gives me hope in the younger generation. Overall, it seems you little fuckers like things spelled and spoken correctly. This is very cool of and for you. (And me!)
Whenever someone says: “You know, I don’t want to speak or write like a dipshit.”
This is good. Avoiding dipshit-ness=good.
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Write one leaf about gold.
(via writeoneleaf)
Capitalism is a sad process, but I’m no Socialist
Capitalism is intrinsically exploitive. It takes advantage of workers in order to make other people wealthy. Workers are paid as little as possible, as little as the owners can get away with, and encouraged to produce as much as possible. The work you do may be worth ‘10’, but you will ALWAYS be paid ‘9’ and no more. If...
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It blows my mind that there's actually shit porn
Yeah, shit porn. Dudes getting off on feces. Right now, somewhere on the planet, is some guy fapping to SHIT PORN. Dude, can you say ‘counseling’? Put down the penis. You’ve gone too far!
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“I hate when I have vigorous sex on the floor and end up with rug burns on my...”
– ~me, discussing the missionary position with my pastor
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How come you don't see any porn movies that are...
Shit, back when I was a teenager and just starting my career as a lifelong masturbator, the pornos were much cooler. There was Robo-Slut, Star Whores, Forest Hump, Pump Fuction, Silence of the Mouths (all oral)…
Nowadays it’s always some chick in a Motel 6 room and a handheld.
Fucking SNOOZERS!
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“Man I go crazy on the beat I go Nimrod,
Man I act a ass, treat the beat like a...”
– Lil Wayne, from The Wit, Wisdom, and Social Commentary of Lil’ Wayne, Vol. 4
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early-onset-of-night asked: So what's it like having such a vast penis?
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Write one leaf about grocery shopping.
(via writeoneleaf)
There are many ways to have fun at Wal*Mart. You can “shop for other people”, which is where you covertly put something bizarre in someone’s cart. It only works if the cart is pretty much full. One time I went around putting cans of oysters in various people’s carts. They would be looking at something—flashdrives, maybe—and I’d slip a...
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I'm, like, miles away from sober
I can see it in the distance and it looks stupid. All you sober people, you’re fucking missing out. Now, let’s all take off our pants…
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“Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself...”
– Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts (via nearlycivilized) (via monogen)
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If I'm just depressed
Am I polar?
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elmowriteslove:
My therapist added me on facebook.
Oh ok.
Dying. This is easily the funniest fucking thing I’ve seen all day on Tumblr. I want this on a t-shirt.
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What do you find are the greatest challenges...
freethinkersalon:
Please reblog and post your response below. (Erase my response and put yours in its place if you’d like to answer this)
The greatest challenge of any free thinker is remaining free in thought. Always throughout our lives we are told how to think and what to think. We are told, indoctrinated in fact, that voting and participating in the sham political process is a good...
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Now I feel philosophical
…if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? No! Sound is a perception and if there is no perceiver there is no sound.
Scientific types will say that it creates vibrations in the air, which, if an ear were present, would translate into a sound, but how do they know unless they are there? Maybe it only creates vibrations in the air when someone is around to note that the air is...
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A little something from the Metta Sutta I just...
“In safety and in bliss May creatures all be of a blissful heart. Whatever breathing beings there may be. No matter whether they are frail or firm, With none excepted, be they long or big Or middle-sized, or be they short or small Or thick, as well as those seen or unseen, Or whether they are dwelling far or near, Existing or yet seeking to exist. May creatures all be of a blissful heart....
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I also want to be deified after death.
I would make a bitching god. “Thou shalt do what the fuck thy wills—just don’t hurt anyone else.”
Just one commandment.
I think it would be cool if someone sacrificed something to me, though. The Greek god Phobos—the god of fear—had a cool ritual where a bull at his sexual peak was slaughtered and everyone present swore an oath on the bloody innards.
How cool...
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Write one leaf about sleeping alone.
(via writeoneleaf)
I actually prefer to sleep alone. I do like to cuddle, watch movies together and stuff, but then, when the time comes for sleeping, I’d rather be alone. I can really get my snooze on when I’m alone. I can stretch out all over the bed, steal the covers, sleep sideways. I once was in a relationship where she had an established bedtime for me. That is to say when she...
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Truth
If everyone was as nice as they pretended to be, wouldn’t this world just be fucking peachy? But it’s not and they ain’t. How about we just be ourselves? As far as getting laid goes, I’ve always had more luck being inappropriate, coarse, and over the top. When I was sensitive and listened and “felt”, I went home and beat off alone.
Why?
You tell me, ladies.
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“Science + beer = good.”
– Adam Savage (Mythbusters)
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If you're a celebrity, no matter what
Large numbers of people will find you attractive. Even if you’re skeletal, corpse-like, and hideous on a cosmic scale. Take, for example, the Olsen twins.
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“Pleasure, we declare, is the beginning and end of the happy life. We are...”
– Epicurus, from his Letter to Menoeceus
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I like to be angry
I understand it. I don’t understand being sad. But angry, that I can wrap my head around. I would rather smash something than cry about it. It’s simpler and more honest—and more effective, it turns out. So, yeah.
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Life in America or Lola Wins The Lottery
When Lola Wagg, using the lucky penny she affectionately calls ‘Herman’, revealed the final word on her $3 Scrabble scratch lottery ticket, she couldn’t believe her dull, lifeless eyes. She had just won $30,000. “I just started screaming my head off,” says Wagg. “AHHHH! AHHHH! was all I could say. I jumped up and down so much I sprained my ankle.” She indicates a brace on her lower left leg with...
