June 2010
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Ben Folds Five what?
Towels?
Bedsheets?
Poker hands?
I don’t get it.
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May 2010
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I found a momma kitty and two baby kitties on my walk today by the stream. It looked like they were homeless. One of the little kitties was orange and SO CUTE. I almost passed out from the cuteness. But I can’t have four cats. I already got Boomer, my little princess, whom I love desperately. If I brought three new cats home, she’d never talk to me again. I’m going back tomorrow...
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I'm a little dildo
short and stout.
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Here's a dashboard confessional-
as in I’m confessing something on my dashboard:
I have never read any Harry Potter books nor seen any Harry Potter movies.
That Emma Watson, though, is mind-numbingly adorable….allow me a brief moment of reverie [({SIGH})]….ok, I’m done.
Wait—
No, I’m not. The things I would do to her with handcuffs. I will break her will in two and she will follow me around...
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You apply a fresh coat of drama to my face with every word you say breaking up my smile into pieces readily absorbed into your swirling bullshit a mucky brown color not unlike sewage I can’t help but listen because I’m weak folded in on myself collapsible like cheap Wal*Mart furniture abandoned with every move.
~me
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“Know that life is unreal and death is also unreal. Only what you experience is...”
– The Tibetan Book of the Dead
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In my neighbor's driveway, there is:
3 snowmobiles
2 dirt bikes
1 motorcycle
2 four-wheelers
1 canoe
1 motorboat
a go-cart
I wonder what his wife’s hobbies are?
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inertiatic asked: I enjoyed "The Main Thing is Not to Panic" quite a bit.
I have no idea how you found me, but I dig your style!
I have no idea how you found me, but I dig your style!
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Conversation with Lisa about assholes
We are talking about assholes, fucking dicks: people we have come across in life that we do not like. And we’ve decided that MEAN PEOPLE ARE THE WORST. We had to define it—meanness—and we did so this way: a mean person enjoys hurting another person. There are many kinds of asshole—the ego maniac, who thinks only about himself, the dumbass who doesn’t get it, the liar,...
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“Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from...”
– Kurt Vonnegut, “Slaughterhouse-Five” (via thechocolatebrigade) (via secretlighthouse)
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Assessment
I hope I’m not being too forward, but will you please, for the love of god, remove your pants and let me have a look at that ass?
(from the series: Ineffectual and Possibly Illegal Pick-up Lines I Have Used)
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nines19 asked: So you didn't get eaten by a bear. Excellent, I would've been slightly saddened if you had.
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It's 90 degrees here.
What a change.
I just realized I’m, like, totally exhausted. Not like I wanna sleep, but like I wanna just sit here and zone the fuck out, not doing shit.
Music? Yes, music. Something mellow….
Hm.
And beers. Cold beers practically raining condensation onto my coaster-free furniture, leaving rings forever, capturing this moment for all eternity—or until I move and abandon this...
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whisperingwillow-deactivated201 asked: Welcome home. Did you have a great time? ☺
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Say what you will about the kids of today.
They didn’t make this world.
Maybe we shouldn’t try so hard to get them to be like us, think like we do, share our “values”.
Just a thought.
*
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Well, I'm leaving for 2 days
Going into the wilderness to live well. My first official summer excursion. I will be technology-free. I will have my phone with me, fully charged and Off, in case of emergencies, but will not use it otherwise. But not to worry, dear followers. I will not leave you crazy sunsabitches to your own devices. Believe it or not, I like you. I feel fatherly toward you—except for the hundreds of...
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Write one leaf about being lost.
(via writeoneleaf)
Inspiration Man
It was last Wednesday when I met Inspiration Man. I was standing next to the bus stop, feeling low and down, when suddenly he was there beside me, a firm and friendly hand resting on my shoulder. He wore a funky flannel cape, leopard-skin leotards, and a sunny smile.
“Cheer up,” he said. “Things aren’t as bad as they seem. They never...
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“I’ve seen moles so big they have their own moles. A freckle that covers...”
– Kramer, pretending to be a dermatologist
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So I'm watching porn, right?
And I wonder: does anyone still pay for it? I mean, you can find everything for free—who’s going to all these popups and popunders and flashy links on the zillion freebie sites and PAYING? I often think shooting porn would be a good career for me. Shit, I got a camera. It takes video. But I know I could never make any money at it. Sure, there are still some doofuses out there actually...
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If you see the word REMIX next to a song
you know it’s gonna suck ass
