July 2010
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So I'm driving down the road, Lower Valley Road,...
Not bad, just ten miles an hour over. No one goes 25 on that road.
No one.
And I see an undercover cop car, so I slow down.
I then realize how fucking OBVIOUS undercover cop cars around here are. Is it the same everywhere?
“Oooooooh, we’re so fucking sneaky! We’ll take off the lights and get rid of the paint and no one will be able to tell we’re cops. Yippee!”
No...
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There's a reason most criminals seem dumb.
It’s because they rarely catch the smart ones.
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Ahhhhh. That's better.
Ain’t nothin’ like a freshly shaved head.
I feel so clean. No matter how hard I scrub in the shower, I never feel entirely clean unless I shave my head as well.
I do not wear hats. It would be blasphemous, like tossing a blanket over a rose bush.
However, as a bald man, I’m not exactly sure where my face stops.
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What up with all the minty freshness?
It’s 5:30 am. I just brushed my teeth for the first time today. As I stood there, looking in the mirror and brushing, I began to wonder….
Are all toothpastes in the whole entire universe some variation of mint?
I dislike mint, but I am, of course, accustomed to it in regards to mouth cleaning. I don’t consume anything else mint or mint-esque. I despise mint candy, much of Greek...
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the second you call someone ugly, you become even...
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Blog Following.
I’ll follow your blog right up your cold dark ass.
What do you look for in a follower?
Just “following”?
That’s all I look for. I have no interest in you apart from your seeming interest in me. I follow like 950 blogs and about 2 or 3 of them are not reciprocal. I am actually interested in these blogs.
I would read them anyway.
Generally, though. You’re not very...
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flyingwithbravewings asked: I'm not sure why, but that story was one of my favorites. I think it was the insane amount of preparation that went into his plan. Like how he had already ordered and hidden the plastic handcuffs and prepared a goodbye meal for his wife. Things like that really made the story more real. And honestly, yeah I think E-Z Storage is starting to lag. We get the point that he feels empty and nothing...
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Ever since I got rid of my tv, I noticed
that I spend a lot more money on whores and blow.
E-Z Storage (18)
Time passes but I’m not really sure how. It just becomes later some way. I’m supposed to look for a white SUV. That’ll be the person who’ll show me the unit at E-Z Storage. I’m not not looking for anything. I don’t even feel exactly conscious. It’s the same feeling I had driving out to Exit 8 Storage earlier. The absolute opposite of mindfulness....
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TACO BELL ANNOUNCES RADICAL, MIND-BLOWING, TOTALLY...
The “Boboestupido” will be introduced nationwide on August 11th. Just you wait. You will never be the same again.
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“Excuse me, let me tell you something: When America opened up the floodgates and...”
– Tony Soprano
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"An ocean without a Shore...": Bring me back a key... →
My little brother wanted to join a soccer team nearby because his friends were joining the team. He’s only 12 and we all thought it was a great idea until my dad heard about it. He started shouting that he knows better teams and his friends can teach my little brother because they are professional…
This is simply awesome.
Fuck yeah. I’m in a good mood now. Good morning world!
E-Z Storage (17)
I drive several blocks and go over the Nash Street Bridge. This part of town is very modern, spread out, designed by and for cars. Electronic stores selling electronic shit to help us stay disconnected from each other, pharmacies dealing drugs for the corporate cartels, strip malls, ersatz Mexifood shacks, soulless bars, rent-to-own centers, and payday loan sharks.
Behind the Safeway a few blocks...
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Do cats have clits?
I’m serious.
?
My cat is female and she is most upset with me right now. Plus, my hand is a bloodied stump.
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Sara Says...: How Different Is It To Be Fourteen? →
Someone recently said to me that they couldn’t imagine “being a fourteen year old in this era”. I wasn’t really sure what to make of this, being it’s not something I’ve really ever given much thought.
To be completely honest, I don’t consider myself to be fourteen. I don’t think it’s an…
Speaking as someone who was fourteen twenty years ago, I can tell you it’s exactly the same.
...
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“[The public school system is] usually a twelve year sentence of mind control....”
– Walter Karp (via booklover) (via youreonlyhuman, teachingliteracy) (via krona) (via raggedtrouseredphilanthropist) (via brainguts) (via fight-war-not-wars) (via loverwife) (via theinnertempest)
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What is it with people and lawns?
Who invented the ‘lawn’ anyway? I mean, they don’t exist in nature. You can’t go out into the wilderness and stumble across a beautiful lawn nestled between a bear skeleton and a quaint, gurgling creek. Someone, somewhere said, “Hey, you know what would be bitchin’? If we create a mini-field here and shave it down to only an inch or so high. Then, using...
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I lied about winning at Boggle.
I’m getting stomped like a narc at a biker rally.
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I am about to play a game of Boggle with someone.
They are utterly doomed.
Also, my life is a white-knuckle ride of blistering intensity.
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Fredo,
you’re my brother
and I love you,
but don’t ever
ever
take sides with anyone against the family again.
Ever.
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Ok, I'm totally blasting Minor Threat now.
I want angry neighbors. I want cops over here.
Yelling at me, telling me I should be quiet…..but I fucking CAN’T.
I am noisy.
I am a bad neighbor.
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I'm here to help.
Rule Number One: Don’t jerk, until the end!
Get your hand all wet and slimy with saliva. Then STROKE, slide your hand up and down the shaft…without moving the skin.
The penis, of course, will be erect while you’re doing this.
While you are stroking the cock, suck and nibble on the head of the penis.
This won’t take much time at all if you follow my instructions.
Soon,...
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Rivers Cuomo
is brilliant.
No one will get him until he dies.
But he won’t. He’ll never die tragically.
He’ll die anyway, a long time from now.
As an old man.
He will still be brilliant.
What about the brilliant artists who live a full complete life?
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“Love should be part of your life. It shouldn’t be your life.”
– Hadrian Kindt
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Tonight's supper
You take crusty French bread and slice it.
Put a tablespoon full of basil aioli on it (basil aioli: handful of fresh basil, 3 tablespoons of mayo, squirt of lemon juice, tablespoon of water, 2 teaspoons of garlic powder, pinch of salt and pepper. Blend together till creamy in a robo or some other machine with high-speed blades).
Put a half a handful of fresh baby spinach on the aioli.
Put...
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prudeh replied to your photo: Pickled Beets When I was seventeen, my mother…
I thoroughly enjoyed reading that
Thank you…and thanks to everyone else who commented!
:)
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stick that in your pipe and smoke it: dear dream... →
batman was firing little torpedo bullets at the tyres of the black sedan in front of our own car and he shouted at my little brother to drive faster and my brother said ‘fuck off, sheldon’ and i looked at my brother with muthafuckin’ respect. ‘you know batman’s name?’ i asked. he shrugged and…
Wow.
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Toys R Us announces name change.
In an effort to stay ‘hip’ and ‘with it’, giant toy retailer Toys R Us will change it’s name to We B Toyz, effective August 1st.
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Day Eight
theinnertempest:
What does the closet or being closeted mean to you?
It needs to go away and die in a hole somewhere. People should not have to lie about themselves. People should not be assumed to be straight. People should just be who they are without worrying about what other people think of them.
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Yesterday, I saw the most incredible ass.
It really was a work of art. For a brief second, I believed in god. Only a supreme being, I surmised in my weakened moment, could put together such an ass. It’s burned into my neurons and I’ll never forget it.
I had to talk to her, so I did. She had great hair, too. Short, chopped up, and punky. I complimented her on the cute little tattoo she had by her ear, and also her hair....
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Tonight's agenda
great big spinach salad with lots of cherry tomatoes from my garden
couple beers
The Hangover (2nd time!)
perhaps a couple more beers
a little porn before bed
I’m all set!
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I want something to be all about.
Like…Star Trek or chickens. My cousin is all about chickens. She collects them, big ones, small ones, and pictures of chickens, calendars of chickens, bedsheets with chickens, cozy pjs with chickens. She has a ceramic chicken tea mug out of which she drinks yucky coffee-flavored heavy high fat cream and artificial mocha. Lots of people on Tumblr are all about Harry Potter, but I have yet to...
