Early Onset of Night

She would tell me about an awesome movie, encourage me to watch it, then check to see if I did the next time we worked together.

Invariably, I disappointed her.

Man, she had a lot of movies for me to watch, too. I must’ve been a huge disappointment. Fight Club was a big one. For two weeks straight she tried to get me to watch it and I have yet to see it. It’s even downloaded on this monstrous computer I own that has terabytes and terabytes of space just for movies and music. Still ain’t seen it. I’m a Brad Pitt and Edward Norton fan, too, though I think Palahniuk is a stitch obvious and a mile simplistic.

Finally, after I admitted: “No, I haven’t watched it yet” to some movie inquiry or another, she said to me: “You don’t like movies, do you?”

So that got me thinking: “Do I like movies?” And the answer is: FUCK YEAH I DO. I FUCKING LOVE MOVIES.

What I don’t like are projects. Every time she told me about a movie and said: “Oh my god Mike, you have to see it!” it felt like I suddenly had an errand. It felt like I had something to do.

I don’t want anything to do. Free time, that’s what I want. If you want to be an awesome person, say this to me: “Don’t worry about it Mike, I’ll do it.” I’d be so happy, I’d probably perform cunnilingus on you for a solid half-hour.

There are some projects, you see, that I don’t mind in the least.

*sigh*

What was I talking about? Oh, yes: The person who always wanted me to watch movies.

Anyway like I said, I fucking love movies. I love Wes Anderson and watch Steve Zissou and Rushmore practically weekly. Mainly, though, I watch horror movies. I love horror movies, oh my god you guise. Horror movies are the shit. Problem is, the vast majority suck ass bigtime. The last one I saw that I liked was Let Me In.

I guess the point of this post is to simply ask: HEY, WHAT’S A GOOD HORROR MOVIE TO WATCH?

:)

I really like this chair. It’s comfy. Oh, I have to haul it outside and put it in a truck?

BAM!

It suddenly turns into garbage.

I haven’t perused the blog yet, admittedly, but did read the About. It said something about how he was an “anarcho-capitalist.” Said other things too, but I wasn’t paying close attention as I had porn on the other tab and was in the midst of spanking it. Free porn, I should point out.

I’m sure “anarcho-capitalism” is a fascinating ideology and I look forward to one day mocking it mercilessly.

You guys are my friend. You never try to out-talk me, like people in real life. It’s easy to do, believe it or not, as I’m quiet and even a little shy. I allow people with nothing interesting to say and much louder voices get all the attention, while I sit in the corner, unlocking the universe.

:)

Time for a beer.

An “anarcho-capitalist.”

What do you call a Republican who smokes pot?

A Libertarian.

The new one is similar…..

Whenever I see someone talking about what counts is on the inside, beauty is only skin deep, and blahblahblah, invariably it’s someone attractive.

Sure, maybe not for you, princess. But what about us cretins and fish-people? Looks are all that do matter.

Hahaha.

Boy, I do. I read on the shitter like if I keep reading on the shitter I’m gonna win something.

I do it till my ass and legs go numb and I have to crawl forth into reality on my hands and knees with my pants and undies around my ankles.

It’s very disconcerting when I have company over. Not for me, mind you—I’m cool with it. But for the company. You should see the looks on their faces when I come crawling down the hall bare-assed and grunting.

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN Mike crawls out of the bathroom half-naked in front of everybody, scaring the women and children and cracking all the dudes up.

Which is why I rarely do it in a public restroom. They’re gross anyway, public restroom shitters, all covered in pubes and god knows what else. Who wants to read in there?

And what’s that smell?

Jesus.