August 2011
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So. Time is weird. It seems to become more...
Like, I have 5 days left at work, as of Monday, and I went in and put in my time and now I have 4 days left. So today was worth 20% of my time left. Tomorrow, though, that will be worth 25%.
It becomes more valuable.
Wednesday will be worth 33 and a third of my time left and Thursday will be worth fully ONE HALF. Friday, of course, will be worth everything, 100%.
It’s weird how time...
To all the people on here that have given a...
strobee:
do you ever imagine who that cum might have becum? What if that load could’ve produced three people with Einstein’s IQ and two people with Martin Luther King Jr.’s passion and intelligence and seven people with Olympic talents and five gorgeous men and women and one future movie star?
Think about it.
I speak for every man alive: “Thank you.”
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I woke up in a Soho doorway, a policeman knew my name. He said, “You can go sleep at home tonight if you can get up and walk away.” I staggered back to the underground and the breeze blew back my hair. I remember throwing punches around and preaching from my chair. Well, who are you? I really want to know….
Jesus Was a Socialist
elledark:
“The believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need” .. (Acts 2.42)
Now that I’ve pointed this out, I assume all you right-wing religious politicians in the GOP, tea-partiers, and assorted wingnuts will want to embrace the teachings of the bible, turn your backs on capitalism and support a truly Socialist...
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Dude,
if I’m clear back in the kitchen and you’re clear out at the bar and I can still smell you, well, you’ve got too much damn cologne on. Holy shit. I thought chemical warfare was frowned upon by the international community? I’m losing this battle. I mosey out to the bar on a pretend lemon mission just to see him closer. He’s got salt-n-peppa hair: what a man, what a...
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Adult children’s ‘bad mothering’ lawsuit dismissed...
Raised in a $1.5 million Barrington Hills, Ill., home by their attorney father, two grown children have spent the last few years pursuing a unique lawsuit against their mom for “bad mothering” that alleges damages caused when she failed to buy toys for one and sent another a birthday card he didn’t like. The alleged offenses also include failing to take her daughter to a car show and...
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The Wax Bananas ~ Fuckin’ Dance
Like,...
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TO WRITE ABOUT LIFE, YOU NEED TO GO OUT AND HAVE...
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Howdy. How the hell are you guys doin?
I’m ok. Tired of working. Like, physically tired and philosophically tired. I’m ready for a new job. Something that doesn’t make me wanna drink so much. Every night, I have the urge to get smashed. Every night. I don’t follow thru, not every night. I’m old and can’t drink like I used to. It’s harder on me and I can feel it. So I try to manage. But this...
cleverlilcharlatan asked: I finally got a chance to finish your book! I laughed, I cried, I became momentarily confused and terrified and surprisingly a bit aroused haha. All in all I really enjoyed it :)
I spoke with a blind man one time and he blew my...
It was a long time ago when I was still in high school or maybe even middle school. So, a long, long, LONG time ago. James Knox Polk was president and the world was a much simpler place. He was visiting our school, for some reason. I don’t really remember the context. I think it had to do with tolerance or something. He seemed really old then, but I was a kid and thought most people were...
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What would House do?
WWHD? My only serious celebrity crush. I would instantly go gay for him and allow him to be mean to me with his cane. One of the things House would do is drink whisky, so, because I want to be like him, I went out and bought a bottle of it. I can never make out what he’s drinking exactly, even though I pause and rewind (I now own all of the episodes), so I was on my own. I don’t think...
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Bruce Springsteen ~ Born in the USA
Used in...
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3 REASONS I AM GROWING A BEARD
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Why are flies always rubbing their hands together?
What’s that all about? If I had better hearing and put my giant head closer, would I be able to hear minuscule maniacal laughter?
“Mwahahaha! I am going to eat that turd, then land on your face!”
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Those goddamn burritos
Well, the job is coming to an end. Labor Day fast approacheth. I have enjoyed being back in a kitchen, have enjoyed the fact that it was only temporary, have enjoyed being around waitresses, and working my ass off covered with a thin sheen of sweat and grease. For normal people, cooking for large numbers of people is very stressful. Chefs/cooks are almost all universally drunks. Those guys on Food...
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I have met the stupidest and most intelligent...
atleastiveheardstrangerthings-d asked: I have to laugh because I can't find a guy who actually listens. I don't know how many sufferable hours I've had to sit through listening to "what they did on football manager" or monlogues solely based upon themselves. Women are boringly obsessed by people and their appearance and guys are boringly obsessed with their ego. And their isn't even the satisfaction of...
catharsisecho replied to your post: I have never met a woman who really listens.
I’ve met very few who were truly trivial. You cheat yourself and reveal a baseness in your unwavering and thus undeserved aloofness. Understand I don’t mean to unhorse you. By all means aspire. But Nobility is defined by reactions as well as actions.
Yes. Someone addresses me. No worries, my friend. You will never...
I have never really tried to say anything, though.
It’s probably my fault. I’m really quiet (IRL) and don’t say much. People think I’m an idiot cook, which is actually kind of cool.
Little do they know.
I may come of as a bit sexist in my last post, but, sorry, it’s the goddamn truth, in my experience at least. Not every woman is like that, you say?
Please, for the love of god, give her my number. (it’s...
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I have never met a woman who really listens.
At first, sure. But then she launches into whatever quotidian shit she’s got trapped under the bullshit I don’t want to hear about. Like, I wanna hear about her flossing schedule or how her and her friend Lindsay saw a scary bug. Look, I’m trying to focus here. People tell me to come down off my high horse and to what? A low horse? Standing on the ground with the peasants? Fuck...
I don't get why there is a debate on my dash about...
logicallypositive:
Like unless any person, a man or a woman or ANYONE, is physically threatening me or being violent towards me, I don’t think you should EVER hit anyone EVER!!!
Why is that a hard concept to understand? Like why do people even debate that? It’s a silly, trivial non-issue if you ask me.
Chris Rock said “Ain’t nobody above an ass-beatin’.” The way I look...
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“One of the complaints leveled against me is, “Oh, Bill, you’re such a meanie....”
– Bill Maher (via harlequin174)
Cell Phones & Movies
Has anyone else noticed that the impact of the cell phone on movies is huge? Last night I watched Silence of the Lambs, an old, great movie with one of the most compelling and completely awesome female characters ever written: Clarice Starling. In the end, when Clarice is going after the superfreak in the pitch-black basement, I kept thinking, “If only it was ten years later, poor Clarice...
The Notebook
HER: Why do you always carry around that notebook? ME: For writing in. HER: What do you write in it? ME: Pornography. It’s totally full of pornography. HER: Really? ME: Just kidding. HER: Seriously, what’s in it? ME: It’s a script for a snuff film I’m working on. A man is aggressively having sex with a woman from behind and when he orgasms, she pulls out a shotgun that was...
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I don't want you, but I want you to want me
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I had this girlfriend, see? We were together several months, almost a year if I remember right. Things were going ok I thought, but apparently she came to her senses when I wasn’t looking and dumped my punk ass. So I’m all dumped and heartbroken and sad, playing “Losing My Religion” over and over again. A week or two goes by and,...
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thetwilitlupine said: So many immigrants cheat the tax system though. It is not economically sound. I agree with what you say, and I’m all for immigrants who make themselves legal and don’t freeload off of welfare.
++++++++++++++
Well, if they actually cheat the tax system,...
I do not understand people who are anti-immigrant
These people, some of them anyway, sneak across a burning desert to come here and pick fruit or scrub semen off motel room walls for nickels and dimes. They give up their whole life, everything they’ve known, to travel across the globe to practically starve and to work their ass off for just a CHANCE at a better life. They immerse themselves, with little or no support, in a foreign world...
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America has a long and proud tradition of banning...
From Christian lunacy to political correctness, censoring the speech of others who say things that do not fit into our tidy little world view is right up there with apple pie, baseball, hotdogs, plutarchy, and the bombing of brown people. According to Herbert N. Foerstel, author of ‘Banned in the U.S.A.’, among the top five most banned books in American history are ‘The Catcher...
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Writers blow
Seriously. Don’t they have anything better to do? All they do is write about how they’re writers, their experiences as writers, and yadda yadda yadda. Shoot me now. Stephen King is the master. Does he have a character who ain’t a fucking writer? No. So basically this is all a bunch of mental masturbation? I don’t ever want to be JUST a writer. How lame…also,...
I'd probably smoke a joint right now if it wasn't...
Seriously. It sounds good.
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So I went out to a real live bar and drank several...
It was close by to facilitate walking. No DUIs for this guy. Plus, I’d really hate to kill someone or something. I can walk.
The place I went was a motel with a bar stuck to it. It’s just over there, on the other side of the gas station by the Sonic. I went in there and drank alone because I am very similar to George Thorogood. Like George when I drink alone, I too prefer to be by...
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Rejected names for my son
Reginald Dwight (Elton John’s real name)
Dmitri (His mother has a Russian first name. We thought it matched)
Trajan (After the Emperor. Full name would’ve been Trajan Antoninus. We came the closest on this name and if we would’ve stayed together and made another boy, this would be his name.)
Antoninus (More Roman stuff. I had a HUGE boner for all things Roman in those days,...
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lilmaj132:
A letter from an Oslo survivor. “Your actions worked against their purpose.”
promotingpeace:
Dear Anders Behring Breivik,
A lot of the friends I met at Utoya are dead and you are the perpetrator. You are the man who, by coincidence, didn’t kill me. I was lucky.
You might think that you have won. You might think that you have ruined something for the Labour Party and for people...
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My cousin Simon
is totally awesome. I love that dude. He’s all in the middle of raising a family now, whereas I’m just getting done. He’s a few years younger than me, better looking (but only physically), and nicer, though he doesn’t seem it at first. He comes off as a dick at first, but as you go along you realize what a nice guy he is. He’s just blunt. Give him some time. Me, I...
In my day, we had Bucky Beach.
I shit you not. That was the name of my high school guidance counselor. Bucky Beach. Bucky FUCKING Beach.
His real name was James, but for some bizarre reason went by Bucky.
He was an old hippie who had long hair and little round John Lennon glasses and he always wanted to “touch base” or “have a sit down.” Sometimes, he even wanted to “rap” about things.
In...
