New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct
“Our new program is designed to isolate the few remaining specimens of moderate Republicans, mate them in captivity, and then safely release these rare and precious creatures back into the electorate,” said IPPM’s Cynthia Rollins, who traces the decline of the species to changes in the political climate and rampant, predatory fanaticism. “Within our safe, enclosed habitats, these middle-of-the-road Republican Party members can freely support increased funding for public education and even gay rights without being threatened by the far-right subgenus.”
Um, but what about us liberal Republicans? Do we get no love? Maybe I’m the only one left and should be in a zoo…
By the way, fuck yeah Teddy Roosevelt!