So I went to an auction and came away with a really long bread pan.
It’s really long and not very wide and thus matches my wang. Just kidding. My wang is really short and really wide, like a hockey puck. Just kidding. I hate sports. Just kidding. I’m an Arsenal fan.
But seriously, I got a cool baguette pan. I had a round baguette pan and now I have a square baguette fan, so I will be able to bake French bread for my really lame friends who go to bed at 9:30 even on a Saturday night.
I actually dozed off at the auction because, frankly, I was bored out of my skull. I was all struggling to stay awake. My eyelids felt like two cinderblocks. It was just like high school.
Before everything began, the auctioneer got political, which resulted in a mingling of boos and clapping. He was a Romneyryan guy and told us all how inspired he was by the convention and that change was a good thing.
Hilarious.
He then threatened to get political from time to time during the auction if nobody was bidding. “Come on, folks! It’s only five bucks. Don’t make me talk about Romneyryan again.”
The hands would fly up. “I’ll give you ten bucks to shut the hell up!”
My baguette pan is really sweet. It’s old school and solid, not constructed out of pop cans like the newer ones. I could beat someone over the head with it and not lose any shape. Sure, I’d have to wipe off blood and hair, but what else is new?
I’m tired. I never fully recovered from the mind-numbing boringness of the auction and it was hours ago. I think I’m done with going to auctions for a spell.
So I’m standing out in the yard watering the garden and here comes my cat with a bird in her mouth. I sprayed her and it flew away. She’s been pissed at me ever since. We’ve been fighting a lot lately. Last week I suggested to her that we should get some counselling, but she just meowed at me and walked away. I hate it when she blows off my feelings like that. Sometimes it seems like I’m the only one working at this relationship.
Ok I’ll shut up now good night.
