So my dog no longer has his balls. I was wondering about this.

As in, do they really remove them? He is sore and grumpy and wants to sleep so I haven’t got down on my knees and really poked around in there.

But, yeah, they appear to be history.

I thought maybe they’d just remove the actual balls, but keep the sack, and maybe slip in a couple polyurethane inserts. You know, for cosmetics.

But, no. Gone, daddy, gone, his balls are gone.

(Sorry, currently listening to the Femmes).

I thought maybe they’d give me his real balls, like in a jar filled with preservative liquid. I was looking forward to placing them on my mantle and then inviting people over and going “Check this shit out.”


I can’t help but wonder where his balls are now. In my mind, I see them laying in a trashcan next to an empty Starbucks cup and a wadded-up piece of kleenex someone blew their nose on.

It’s a sad thought.

My poor dog is camped out on the couch, snoozing. Every once in awhile he rouses and looks at me with bewilderment in his eyes.

I feel ya, puppy. I have been married.

Tags: balls