Sometimes, the grid is off you.

I have adjusted to no electricity. Didn’t have much food in my fridge to waste. I had a pot of Turkish cucumber soup that I made Thursday night. Was gonna eat it Friday night for supper, too, along with bread, but the worst blizzard in 100 years hit. On Wednesday, it was in the 80s. On Thursday, low 70s, on Friday MASSIVE FUCKING BLIZZARD.

Welcome to South Dakota.

I was clear on the other side of town, dorking around. I began driving home, about ten miles, all urban, and simply couldn’t make it. Trees were going down, the wind was blowing 60 miles an hour and I couldn’t see. Cars were stuck everywhere. It’s a good thing I am an excellent winter driver or I would’ve been stuck, too. I saw a motel and in I went. Part of being an excellent winter driver is knowing when you’re out of your league.

Friday night and Saturday and Saturday night I stayed at the motel. Had to. It was the law. Travel was not only not advised, but not allowed. Drivers were being ticketed since the governor declared a state of emergency. Only emergency vehicles were allowed out and they were getting stuck, too.

I wasn’t home, but up the street a few houses from where I live, a powerline went down, landed on somebody’s truck, and up in flames it went. POOSH!

Sunday morning about 8 am, I headed home. It was sunny and warm and the entire city was now a lake upon which sat almost three feet of snow. I managed to get to my neighborhood about 9:30 but couldn’t get to my house. I seriously contemplated finding another motel. I parked blocks and blocks away and trudged it home through snow that came up to my waist and water that came up to my calves—only to find no electricity. I got things situated, then trudged back to get some beer. I had parked in a liquor store parking lot because I am a fucking genius.

Carrying a case of beer in the aftermath of the worst blizzard in a 100 years is hard work, boys and girls. Damn. My legs are still sore.

I drank beer all day and when the dark hit I drank it by lamplight. I was in bed by 8 pm. I understand why people in the olden days went to bed so early. There was really nothing to do at night before electricity. Even my phone had died.

Today, there is still no electricity, but I am able to get around better. I was able to get food and more beer by that awesome invention, the automobile. I was able to charge my phone and my computer. According to the power company, things are majorly fucked up in my neighborhood. These two and half blocks hereabouts sustained serious damage, what with poles going down and fires and all. They are very vague about when the power will be back, giving non-answers like “as soon as possible” and “before too long”.

When I was at the store earlier, they were throwing all their meat away, some $60,000 worth, according to manager (whom I am friendly with). They were loading it in a dump truck (a dump truck!) and taking it to Bear Country, a bear zoo we got around here. At least it won’t go to waste completely.

Those are gonna be some happy fucking bears, holy Christ! TODAY’S MENU: DUMP TRUCK FULL OF MEAT. I can almost hear them creaming in their fur now.

Anyway, it’s so warm out now, I don’t even need a coat. Rivers are running down the streets. Massive flooding next? Stay tuned!