"Traffic calming structures."

— what my local city council renamed our speed bumps

Vladimir Putin, savior from Russia, rescues the Ukraine.

Vladimir Putin, savior from Russia, rescues the Ukraine.

(Source: early-onset-of-night)

Tags: politics

"The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread."

— Anatole France

Tags: politics

The thing I often wonder about politicians is how do they sleep at night?

Do they really believe all that they say, and if so, how the fuck do they sleep at night?

But they’re politicians. Everything they say is a lie.

So how do they sleep at night?

Let’s imagine, for comedy’s sake, that there is a politician who actually cares, who votes his conscience, who is everything we expect politicians to be.

How does he sleep at night knowing that he is part of a huge structure, the very purpose of which is to shut people like him up? How does he feel about the fact that our men and women in uniform are fighting for bullshit political reasons and NOT freedom. Haven’t we licked that “freedom” Popsicle long enough?

Every vote he makes is fucking “symbolic”. How does he sleep at night?

How do we sleep at night knowing roughly half of the bank tellers in this country are on some form of public assistance while, last year, banks made a profit of 149 billion dollars?

If you wanna know where a lot of your tax dollars are going, it’s to subsidizing employees of giant corporations who, frankly, do not want to share.

Many giant, profitable corporations do this, including Walmart. And yet…

How do we sleep at night?

We demonize poor people, like fucking idiots, meanwhile we are in a new age of robber barons. Where is Teddy Roosevelt when we need him? Where?

When I sleep tonight, I will totally dream about Teddy Roosevelt. Hopefully.

Tags: politics

Ukraine…This century’s North and South Korea?

Tags: politics

Wi-fi

So I am here in the parking lot of a coffee shop, using their wi-fi like the whore it is.

It’s amazing to me that internet isn’t free at this point. There are people out there actually paying for it.

Amazing.

They probably think it’s smart to have good credit, too, not to mention other things the tv tells them to do.

I do not pay for internet. Or tv. I have a pay as you go phone but I’m currently outta minutes, so I don’t, in fact, have a pay as you go phone.

On March 4th, though. Oh, baby! I be callin left and right.

You would think that the government has vested interest in getting everybody on the net. Remember that Edward Snowden, NSA crap? If everybody was on the net, golly gee, they could totally track us all.

It’s 2014 and I know enough to know that the internet needs me more than I need it. Therefore, why ain’t it free? Why make us think that we have to pay for wi-fi when you and your dog knows that it’s just floating around out there like fucking radio waves?

Leeches like me will change the world.

I will not pay for internet (in any capacity).

I will not pay for tv (in any capacity).

Government and “society” wants me involved with these things, therefore

THEY WILL BE FREE.

So, since I live in the middle of nowhere, I’m just hangin’, waitin’ for the brave new world.

Bring it.

"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian."

Henry Ford.

Not a Henry Ford fan by any means, but I like this quote.

Tags: politics LOL

I don’t know if it’s nature or nurture, but I’m kind of attracted to George Fox.

Some people, for whatever reason, are attracted to the opposite sex; some are attracted to the same sex; some even to both sexes (crying out, I would imagine, to the heavens above “Double your pleasure, double your fun!”)

Me, I’m attracted to George Fox.

Before, like months ago, I sat down and read The Journal of George Fox. George was basically the founder of the Quakers, and, I’m telling you, the guy was a punk rocker, religiously speaking. Between getting pummeled by angry mobs and thrown into jail by staid and self-righteous “authorities”, he was running for his very life through the green and pastoral settings of 17th Century England.

Everywhere the guy went, he raised major hell and I totally fell in love with him.

Disclosure: this has little to do with the content of his message, which was a radical Christianity that was very pacifist (which I liked) and very prudish (which I didn’t). George thought plays were wrong. Going to see a play=wrong.

The guy was a contemporary of William Shakespeare for Christ’s sake what in the actual fuck?

Anyway. Disclosure continued: I am attracted to and interested in the nature of rebellion, devoid even of its content. Rebels, of any kind, fascinate me. I am fascinated by the cycle. The struggle of the rebel…and if the rebel wins, he totally loses because he just becomes another boss and is subject to rebellion himself. The rebel can never win. Ever. If he wins, he ceases to be a rebel, and if you’re not a rebel, you’re just another “authority figure”, someone sucking the limp dick of what’s accepted and thought to be true. On and on it rolls.

Rebellion happens in context. If George Fox were alive today doing the shit he did, no one would even notice. He would be a crazy man on the street wearing a sandwich board crying “The end is nigh!” or some such shit.

Wikileaks, Edward Snowden, and the like are our rebels today. As government surveillance of individuals becomes universal, ok’d tacitly by the distractedness of the beige braindead celeb-watchers that comprise the vast majority of our society, rebellion will have to change.

The minute you begin to rebel, it will be on camera, recorded, on the net. The NSA will know, and probably your boyfriend, too. This does present problems, but I think opportunities, also.

One of the things I love most about rebels is that they always, always find a way to aggravate!

Now, though, with all this technology, I actually think the gummint can eliminate rebellion. Serious rebellion anyway (not talking about piercing your whatever, you edgy rebel you). Why track every American? Oh, yeah “terrorists”. Dude, that was so 14 years ago. Does anybody still buy it anymore but you and Barack? Come on.

Imagine a society from which all rebellion had been purged. Everybody thought exactly alike. For example: Everybody—every single person—thought that male privilege was real. LOL, just kidding. That’ll never happen.

I think any society that truly lacks rebels will wither and die. Hopefully. Our super technological, super distracted, super stupid society really might be the one that achieves a state of no rebellion at some point. Universal surveillance of individuals is around the corner, 2020, if not a little sooner. Then what?

THEN WHAT?

Tags: politics prose

I think Johnny Weir should be the flag-bearer for the U.S. at the Olympics opening ceremony next month in Russia.

Johnny is an openly gay figure skater and Russia is, to put it lightly, going backwards on gay rights (thus human rights).

I think Johnny marching at the head of our entire team carrying our flag would be a great way to tell Russia to “bite me”.

Why is it that some Americans are so opposed to socialized medicine? We already have socialized farming and ranching in this country, not to mention socialized gambling. What is it about helping poor people get full health care that bugs them so? Could it be the “Christian principles” this country was founded on?

LOL.

But seriously. Perhaps we should think of poor sick people like we do farmers and ranchers and casino owners?

Imagine.

Tags: politics

So what do potheads talk about in Colorado these days?
"It should be even more legal!"
I know a guy who drove down to Colorado on New Year’s Day just to buy a legal ounce. It’s only about four hours from here. He stood in line for six hours and paid a lot of money, but it was the principle of the thing, he said. Overall, it cost him some 14 hours of his life and was also monetarily expensive, especially if you factor in gas and Big Gulps. He won’t tell me the exact price he paid for it, but said it was a lot and that he could’ve gotten it cheaper from his friendly neighborhood dealer.
But it was the principle of the thing, goddamn it, and he came away with a genuwine bag of legal pot, a pretty marvelous thing if you think about it. Hell, fifty years ago people were doing two years for a single doobie, five if they were black. 
You’ve come a long way, baby!
Of course, when he crossed the border into Wyoming it became, suddenly, an illegal bag of pot. And when he crossed the border into South Dakota, it became even illegal-er because our anti-pot laws are meaner than Wyoming’s. He was careful, though, driving. He observed the posted speed limits there and back, and before he left he de-pothead-ified his car by removing the snowboard rack from the roof and replacing his COEXIST sticker with a SUPPORT OUR TROOPS one.
"Did you blast Toby Keith the whole time you were driving, too?" I asked him.
"Who?"
"Never mind."
"Oh, yeah," he said, "I did blast Nevermind—not the whole time, though."
"You were lucky."
He smoked me up (first time I hit the pipe since 2011) and the high felt like freedom, people, like fucking freedom itself!
♫ Oh say can you see by the dawn’s early light what so proudly we hail ♫
…I forget the rest.

So what do potheads talk about in Colorado these days?

"It should be even more legal!"

I know a guy who drove down to Colorado on New Year’s Day just to buy a legal ounce. It’s only about four hours from here. He stood in line for six hours and paid a lot of money, but it was the principle of the thing, he said. Overall, it cost him some 14 hours of his life and was also monetarily expensive, especially if you factor in gas and Big Gulps. He won’t tell me the exact price he paid for it, but said it was a lot and that he could’ve gotten it cheaper from his friendly neighborhood dealer.

But it was the principle of the thing, goddamn it, and he came away with a genuwine bag of legal pot, a pretty marvelous thing if you think about it. Hell, fifty years ago people were doing two years for a single doobie, five if they were black. 

You’ve come a long way, baby!

Of course, when he crossed the border into Wyoming it became, suddenly, an illegal bag of pot. And when he crossed the border into South Dakota, it became even illegal-er because our anti-pot laws are meaner than Wyoming’s. He was careful, though, driving. He observed the posted speed limits there and back, and before he left he de-pothead-ified his car by removing the snowboard rack from the roof and replacing his COEXIST sticker with a SUPPORT OUR TROOPS one.

"Did you blast Toby Keith the whole time you were driving, too?" I asked him.

"Who?"

"Never mind."

"Oh, yeah," he said, "I did blast Nevermind—not the whole time, though."

"You were lucky."

He smoked me up (first time I hit the pipe since 2011) and the high felt like freedom, people, like fucking freedom itself!

♫ Oh say can you see by the dawn’s early light what so proudly we hail ♫

…I forget the rest.

(Source: early-onset-of-night)

Regarding this guy, Phil Robertson.
I completely disagree with him, but free speech doesn’t seem very free if you can be fired for expressing an opinion contrary to your employers’.
Liberals are crying that free speech is only a matter between you and your government, which is such complete and utter bullshit as to be mind-boggling (and pretty damn scary), and conservatives are crying that Christianity is being persecuted, which is also bullshit because, um, not quite yet, guys. Besides, read your Bibles—it says you will be persecuted and that it will stregthen you. So, chin up and fuck all and next year wish “Merry Christmas” anyway.
The whole Phil Robertson thing was bullshit.
If you are going to pretend to be outraged by what a 67 year old Southern Christan man thinks, don’t ask him. He was baited by that dipshit GQ reporter. Everybody and their dog knows what 67 year old Southern Christian men think. Come the fuck on.
I would argue that ol’ Phil is even more enlightened than his peers because he also said this in the same interview: “However, I would never treat anybody with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him I love all humanity. We would all be better off if we all loved God and loved each other.”
But, yeah, you won’t hear about that part of it because it’s very hard to pretend to be outraged by it.
Anyway, even though he’s wrong about homosexuality and interpreting his Bible incorrectly regarding it, I’m glad there was such a massive uproar and A&E caved. I’m glad he gets to keep his very important job of being distracting on tv so we don’t notice the actual problems around us.
It’s a dangerous road to go down, I believe, firing people for what the say about broad political and social issues. That’s my opinion on the Phil Robertson sillyness, anyway. Perhaps A&E should’ve hired a family of snotty, self-righteous atheists from the Northeast to laugh at. Perhaps this whole thing could’ve been avoided.
So, am I fired?

Regarding this guy, Phil Robertson.

I completely disagree with him, but free speech doesn’t seem very free if you can be fired for expressing an opinion contrary to your employers’.

Liberals are crying that free speech is only a matter between you and your government, which is such complete and utter bullshit as to be mind-boggling (and pretty damn scary), and conservatives are crying that Christianity is being persecuted, which is also bullshit because, um, not quite yet, guys. Besides, read your Bibles—it says you will be persecuted and that it will stregthen you. So, chin up and fuck all and next year wish “Merry Christmas” anyway.

The whole Phil Robertson thing was bullshit.

If you are going to pretend to be outraged by what a 67 year old Southern Christan man thinks, don’t ask him. He was baited by that dipshit GQ reporter. Everybody and their dog knows what 67 year old Southern Christian men think. Come the fuck on.

I would argue that ol’ Phil is even more enlightened than his peers because he also said this in the same interview: “However, I would never treat anybody with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him I love all humanity. We would all be better off if we all loved God and loved each other.”

But, yeah, you won’t hear about that part of it because it’s very hard to pretend to be outraged by it.

Anyway, even though he’s wrong about homosexuality and interpreting his Bible incorrectly regarding it, I’m glad there was such a massive uproar and A&E caved. I’m glad he gets to keep his very important job of being distracting on tv so we don’t notice the actual problems around us.

It’s a dangerous road to go down, I believe, firing people for what the say about broad political and social issues. That’s my opinion on the Phil Robertson sillyness, anyway. Perhaps A&E should’ve hired a family of snotty, self-righteous atheists from the Northeast to laugh at. Perhaps this whole thing could’ve been avoided.

So, am I fired?

(Source: early-onset-of-night)

We spend 53 cents of every dollar taken in taxes on the military, then we throw up our hands and pretend like there’s a deficit. If I spend 53 cents of every dollar I earn on beer and then don’t have enough money to pay my rent is that the fault of the people on food stamps, too?

Funny shit I rooted out about taxes in this twisted, completely fucked up country of ours:

“Many taxpayers will be inconvenienced by the hostilities of thermonuclear war and will have to be excused from paying the normal rate of interest on their [tax] debts.” —from a real IRS study conducted in the late 1980s that looked at what the effects might be of a global nuclear war on the IRS’s ability to collect back taxes.

“Illegal income, such as stolen or embezzled money, must be included in your gross income.” —from the IRS website.

“For purposes of paragraph 3, an organization described in paragraph 2 shall be deemed to include an organization described in section 501c 4, 5, or 6, which would be described in paragraph 2 if it were an organization described in section 501c 3.” —actual snippet of the Internal Revenue Code.

We get the government we deserve.

Tags: politics taxes

This week in Animal Cruelty

Mercy For Animals, a group that seeks to keep the “human” in humanity, released undercover video showing workers beating, kicking, whipping, and stabbing sick and injured cows at a giant Wisconsin dairy farm. Wiese Brothers Farm, which has some 5,000 dairy cows makes the milk that makes the cheese you eat on your DiGiorno pizzas.

It’s not delivery, people, it’s DiGiorno.

The Mercy For Animals people got jobs on the farm, even though they weren’t illegal immigrants, and that was how they obtained the video. Clips show sick cows that are so sick as to be unable to walk or stand being dragged by ropes and clamps and heavy equipment. Workers whip, beat, and stab other sick cows to get them moving. One animal bleeds from gashes in its side, while another bleeds profusely from its anus.

It’s really a delightful video and watching while eating a slice of your favorite pizza will make it even more enjoyable.

It’s not delivery, people, it’s DiGiorno!

To be fair, DiGiorno has stopped buying the cheese made from Wiese Brothers milk—at least until this whole thing blows over and everybody forgets about it.

Mark Wiese, owner of Wiese Brothers Farm, did what any corporate baron would do. He shrugged his shoulders and said he was ignorant and innocent of everything. “Golly gee, I love cows and wouldn’t condone one being abused. Cows are nifty and I love them. Do you know they are sacred in India? This was all done by my evil employees who are told not to torture cows but who went ahead and tortured them anyway. And now we lost our biggest account and I will go from being a multi-multi-millionaire to just a regular multi-millionaire. I may even have to sell one of my private jets. Alas!”

The sherriff’s department in the Wisconsin county where Wiese Brothers Farm is located says the monstrosity is being investigated for animal cruelty. They wouldn’t comment on specifics, but I betcha ten bucks it won’t ever affect any of the corporate brass.

***

In other animal cruelty news, the Obama Administration says it’s now cool to kill eagles, a protected and endangered species, provided you kill them with electricity-generating windmills. Shooting or hunting them is still wrong, but chopping them up with rapidly spinning metal blades is hunky-dory because it “protects the environment” and provides the electricity that you and I need to play our Xboxes in the middle of the night.

LOL, Mr. President. Does this mean that if I drive an electric car, I no longer have to obey the rules of the road?

The other day in the store I saw a fruit cup that had been made in China

China is 6,146 miles from here.

The fruit cup cost 47 cents, and what I wanted to know was it really fruit? What tortured economic system could make it cheaper to ship a little cup of fruit halfway around than globe rather than from a nearby orchard? What personal value system would make a person buy this fruit cup, rather than the local one next to it that cost twenty cents more? What lack of business ethics would permit a store to sell this to its consumers—God know what chemicals it is slathered in to make its oceanic voyage still intact and colorful…

I went on a quest and also found dried mushrooms from China. They were dried, though, so it seemed reasonable. What was that fruit soaking in? Ahh!

I had just been reading about Country of Origin labeling in food. It had been pushed by farmers mostly, but is ending up a double-edged sword. The farmers erroneously assumed that Americans would choose American food over foreign, thus putting a country origin of label on it was like giving themselves a raise. In the world of tomatoes it seems to be having the opposite result—more and more Americans are avoiding American tomatoes because, frankly, they taste like shit. American tomatoes are put in large rooms and treated with ethylene gas to force them to ripen faster. Mexican tomatoes are ripened on the vine and thus still kind of taste like tomatoes. Many Americans, it seems, are actively looking for Mexican tomatoes.

So the guys who pressed for country of origin labeling want protection from foreign food that tastes better than American food. They want the government to make it cost more, that way they don’t have to compete in the brutal free market system, an idea we Americans love to worship but which we haven’t actually practiced since before the Depression (for obvious reasons). Imagine if they had to actually make a good tasting tomato???

I still can’t get over it—a fruit cup from China. I stood there before the refrigerated display rack, mesmerized, trying to get people to buy one.

"Come on, I bet it tastes like lo mein."

They laughed at me and scurried away.

I couldn’t blame them.